Thought you looked rather gorgeous, and don't have too much of the weirdo look about you.. ;) so i thought i'd say hey! Where abouts you from? (Name) x"
Well good day to you sir,
May I say how pleased I am that you've deemed me decent-looking and not too much of a weirdo. I would say the same goes for you, but I'm more preoccupied with how familiar you look - I'm pretty sure we went to uni together. In fact, I'm 100% sure we did...
You obviously don't remember me, so please allow me to refresh your memory. On my 21st birthday, a couple of my good friends came to visit me at uni, and we went for a night out to a nearby 'posh' bar. I was absolutely delighted when a bottle of prosecco with a sparkler in it appeared; a nice little surprise my friends had arranged for me. All was well.
Now our uni was pretty small, making it easy to recognise other students - even if they're from a different year group, so as you stumbled over to our booth (presumably attracted by the pretty sparkling light) I vaguely recognised you. You said happy birthday and attempted to chat up my friend, but she wasn't really interested, so you slithered away and we carried on with the rest of our night. Surely that was the end of it? No. Apparently you don't give up that easily.
As our night drew to a close you decided to take another swoop at my friend. After a lot more alcohol she was far more susceptible to your advances (good for you, pal!), and you managed to persuade her to take you home. To my house. Obviously I don't know the details of what happened once you two got upstairs, but my friend was in a real hurry to leave the next morning, and I had to go to work, leaving you with my other friend who had been out with us. After about an hour of trying to get you to leave as she had a train to catch, you finally got up and re-dressed, and the two of you got on the bus back into the centre of town. You must have been a little bit more awake by this point, as you then proceeded to try and chat up my other mate on the journey. Unfortunately there was no alcohol available this time, so you weren't quite able to 'seal the deal'. But hey, I'm sure when you went home you told your mates you banged both of them, right? No problem - your ego stays in tact; my friend leaves without the stench of regret hanging over her; life goes on.
And now here you are, oblivious to the fact that you were the underwhelming ending to a significant milestone night.
So let's take a look at your profile - maybe you've changed; maybe you don't need to hang around attaxi ranks at 3am anymore... maybe you could be the man I'm looking for?
"I'll find any chance to wind someone up. My favourite wind-up was one played on my former housemate who was eagerly waiting results from a STI check. Using my work phone I text him with some concerning news in a very convincing format which completely ruined his whole weekend"
Oh wow. You're a real keeper aren't you! Didn't anyone tell you you catch more flies with honey than fake STI results? Never mind, I'll persevere - that's what you would do right? Never give up...
"I'd love to pretend that I'd take you to the zoo or the aquarium and enjoy the perfect day together, but in reality it's going to be a quick after-work drink somewhere with plenty of windows to allow for discrete exits"
Really? This is what I trawled through 6 paragraphs, plus a ridiculous list of likes/dislikes for? Just a hint: you should probably list some likes as well as dislikes, otherwise you come off as a bit of a tosser... Even more so than in the other 6 paragraphs...
And so, Mr K, I will not be going out with you. Ever. I could never date a man who loves his job in Digital Marketing and hates the word brunch.
H.O.T.T.O.G.O. (naaaaaaaaaaaat!)
This Girl