Machine Pt. II

Hey!

how are you ?

hows ya weekend been so far ?

I came across your profile and would be interested in knowing more about you .Please

have a look at my profile and let me know if you would like to liaise further .

by the way i like ur hair style

is that your hair colour real ?

Looking forward to hearing from u soon

thnx

best regards

sent by phone

Oh Phone, it's you again! Wow, didn't think I'd ever say this but I was actually starting to miss you - these real boys are nowhere near as entertaining!

Have you updated your software or something? I think there may be some bugs in your system - you can no longer capitalise the first letter of a sentence (something that machines automatically do for us lazy human beings these days).

If it wasn't for those three ridiculous sign offs you would have had me fooled - asking about my natural hair colour? That was a stroke of genius! They never would have caught you in Blade Runner...

Not interested in liaising any further,

This Girl

Admin

Hello, 

I deeply regret that it is my unfortunate duty to bring it to your attention that you are above and beyond our maximum standards for looks. 
You are clearly a 9/10 and here on OKCupid we only allow 6/10 maximum. 
Your account will be CLOSED unless you reply to this message with your name, phone number, your favourite flower, how many Doritos you can fit in your mouth at once (just curious) and if you prefer Chinese or Italian cuisine. 
This is very serious business and I would advise you to not take my message lightly or you might anger my boss Cupid, the lord of love. 

Thanks.


Hello Fake Admin,

Just to save you the embarrassment, I'm going to pretend that you didn't describe yourself as Cupid's sidekick/automated banking security, and carry on as normal.

Do you realise this is a very strange collection of facts to ask for? As much as I loved your thinly-veiled attempt to find out how big my mouth is, you could have tried to ask a more relevant set of questions as filler. For instance, rather than asking for my favourite flower, you could have asked if this kind of approach is ever likely to work with me. Although I think you probably already know the answer to that...

Are there any girls who actually replied to this? I feel the only ones who would are simply dumb enough to think this is a real admin message, rather than appreciating your genius. Good luck with getting further 'security information' out of those girls!

And finally, ONLY A 9/10?! You try this hard to flatter me and don't even go for the full 10? Crap, maybe you are a real admin...

This Girl

Machine

Hey

how are you ? 
are u enjoyin a sunny days ? 
I came across your profile and would be interested in knowing more . 
Looking forward to hearing from u soon 
thnx 
best regards 
sent by phone

Hi Phone,

I was unaware that the machines had finally risen up and developed self-awareness and emotions. I'm glad you've decided to use them to find love, rather than look for revenge against your human masters.

Some tips for artificial intelligence trying to remain undetected in the human world:

1. Looking forward to hearing from you/Thnx/Best regards are substitutable endings to a message. Using them together makes it obvious that you're not one of us.
2. Saying you'd be interested in knowing more isn't specific enough, given that you've shown absolutely no understanding in the first place
3. Never use the phrase 'A sunny days'

Hopefully putting these in list format has been helpful for you, as I know line command is probably a language you're familiar with, but let me know if you'd like to receive this message in binary.

11001001110001,

This Girl

Minder

"hey I got a cheeky cheesy question if you don't mind" - 13th April 2013
"hey do you mind if I discuss a naughty pleasure matter with you?" - 17th April 2013

Hey Eager Beaver,

I also have a bit of a cheeky question for you - Do you mind not contacting me anymore?

I thought there may be a clue to what this 'naughty pleasure matter' is on your profile so I took a quick look, and after wading my way through tons of ill-constructed jargon sentences I'm pretty sure I found it (since you felt it necessary to repeat 3 times): that disgusting P-word that refers to a lady's hoo-ha/tuppence.

Digging a bit deeper, it becomes clear why you're not getting as much of the P-word as you'd like. You claim to be good at electronic craps, describe yourself as having a shiny face, and say you spend a lot of time thinking about the life path navigator.
Are these the kind of qualities a woman looks for in a man? No.
Are these the kind of qualities you'd find in a computer-robot programmed to speak like a human being? Yes.

So please carry on 'along the way on freedom highway looking for life treasures on the long way' (I'm BEGGING you to learn how to form a sentence). I pity any hitchhikers you pick up along the way.


This Girl