"hello you look pretty in your pink dress and tights xx"
Dear Mr...
...WHAT THE HELL, THAT'S ACTUALLY WHAT I'M WEARING RIGHT NOW!
At first glance I thought your message was commenting on one of my pictures, but I realise as I read through it that I don't have a photo like that on the website, and in fact that's actually the outfit I'm wearing at this exact moment in time...
I know on your profile you say you want to "find a girlfriend so I can be happy", but I don't think that you should physically go out and hunt one down! Especially as you're in Canterbury and I'm in London. That is TOO FAR my friend...
Please move your attentions along to someone else immediately!
This Girl (or That Girl, or someone else completely different and incognito)
Showing posts with label scary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scary. Show all posts
Saturday, 29 June 2013
Wednesday, 10 April 2013
Tatu
just likstening to tatu all about us. its reminding me of being young and revising to my gcses, a strangely pleasant memory
Dear OH HELL NO,
You sure know the way to a girl's heart! There's nothing I love more than remembering exams, apart from Russian lesbian bands of course!
Speaking of TATU - as far as I remember they only had one hit song in the UK, but that's not the one you named. This leads me to the conclusion that you actually bought their album and listened to it on a regular basis. In fact, you STILL listen to it on a regular basis... What kind of person are you?!
To answer this question I felt I should read through your profile. I like that you've listed 10 facts at the beginning as a way to ease the reader in, although I'm sure you could have come up with something more interesting than "Education is an investment in your earning potential". Some facts about yourself perhaps? I'm pretty sure that's what this space was meant to be filled with...
Oh wait, you do finally start to list some facts about yourself halfway down the page: "I'm single; I'm not gay; I have a job". These are some solid foundations to build a relationship on! However, I must admit I start to freak out when you write a whole paragraph about your ex-girlfriend who broke up with you on Valentine's Day, ending with the link to her online dating profile. I don't want to use the word stalker, but I'm starting to feel it's appropriate.
The grand finale to your train-wreck of a profile has to be your answer to What things couldn't you live without? - "Girls with low self-esteem".
I don't even know where to begin with that one; I just pray the whole thing's a joke. Although, if you actually are a 27 year-old man who makes joke dating profiles, you're definitely very single and very alone.
Ta-ta!
This Girl
Dear OH HELL NO,
You sure know the way to a girl's heart! There's nothing I love more than remembering exams, apart from Russian lesbian bands of course!
Speaking of TATU - as far as I remember they only had one hit song in the UK, but that's not the one you named. This leads me to the conclusion that you actually bought their album and listened to it on a regular basis. In fact, you STILL listen to it on a regular basis... What kind of person are you?!
To answer this question I felt I should read through your profile. I like that you've listed 10 facts at the beginning as a way to ease the reader in, although I'm sure you could have come up with something more interesting than "Education is an investment in your earning potential". Some facts about yourself perhaps? I'm pretty sure that's what this space was meant to be filled with...
Oh wait, you do finally start to list some facts about yourself halfway down the page: "I'm single; I'm not gay; I have a job". These are some solid foundations to build a relationship on! However, I must admit I start to freak out when you write a whole paragraph about your ex-girlfriend who broke up with you on Valentine's Day, ending with the link to her online dating profile. I don't want to use the word stalker, but I'm starting to feel it's appropriate.
The grand finale to your train-wreck of a profile has to be your answer to What things couldn't you live without? - "Girls with low self-esteem".
I don't even know where to begin with that one; I just pray the whole thing's a joke. Although, if you actually are a 27 year-old man who makes joke dating profiles, you're definitely very single and very alone.
Ta-ta!
This Girl
Sunday, 24 March 2013
Hitman
"Can I take you out"
Dear Badass Mofo,
Seeing as your profile only lists very basic information I'm afraid I must decline. The only information you seem willing to give is that you're a security guard who has his own car. I presume this must be how you transport the bodies that you take out for your mafia boss?
The intense stare and lack of smile in your profile pictures only fuels the chills I'm feeling down my spine right now. Maybe you could soften them up by holding a teddy bear or a baby?
Actually, stay away from babies...
This Girl
Dear Badass Mofo,
Seeing as your profile only lists very basic information I'm afraid I must decline. The only information you seem willing to give is that you're a security guard who has his own car. I presume this must be how you transport the bodies that you take out for your mafia boss?
The intense stare and lack of smile in your profile pictures only fuels the chills I'm feeling down my spine right now. Maybe you could soften them up by holding a teddy bear or a baby?
Actually, stay away from babies...
This Girl
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)