Topline

Hey This Girl, 


Firstly I can count to 5 in welsh. 

Secondly, you said that if you pick your laptop by the screen that's bad, what about an iPad? It's basically all screen! 

If you could have a super power what would it be? 
X

Hey Mr No-Nonsense,

Thanks for the memo-style message that makes me feel like I'm at work; having to give facts about myself for some lame team-building exercise.

Firstly, being able to count in a dying language is not a skill that I find in any way desirable. In fact, unless you need to write to a penpal in Patagonia (the only place where Welsh is spoken outside of Wales), it's completely useless. You will not be a good role model for our potential future children.

Secondly, I said I hate it when people pick up a laptop by the screen. What does that have to do with an iPad? Again, pedantry is not something I want to pass on to our offspring...

And finally, if I could have a super power it would undoubtedly be the ability to ignore men who send me ridiculous messages...

Looks like I'm off to join the X-Men then!

This Girl

CV

You have such a pretty face and are exquisitely beautiful. I find my self utterly attracted to you. Your delightful picture has caught my eyes! I really like that you have a lovely skin and smile. Face, hair, and body such an abundant garden of beauty! Dnt get shy send me your BBM or txt me so we can chat 07--------- xx

Dear Observant,

Thank you for noticing I have a face, hair and body. Men these days rarely take the time to appreciate women with bodies and faces (and a skin?), so that's very refreshing! But I guess my 'abundant garden of beauty' distracted you from reading my profile? Especially the part where I state I have no interest in hearing from men who've taken 'selfies' of their abs in the mirror.

However, for the sake of true love I'll forgive that small oversight and check out your profile, or should I say CV? I'm good at Cooking, Debates, Being Organised, Communication... The only thing that makes me think this hasn't been lifted straight from a job application are the six separate mentions of how good you are at sex and that you can't live without it. The only thing that makes me cringe more is when you boast about owning over 400 films on VHS.

I'm going to assume they're all porn.

This Girl

Gamer?

"your a gamer!? i bet you must get ask lots of gaming questions. reading your profile you having nothing gaming related :("


Hi Cornrows,

As you say, my profile doesn't even mention gaming so how have you come to the conclusion that this is how I spend my time? The only possible explanation I can muster is that you've misread Brogrammer (a clever pun on the word Programmer) as "Pro Gamer". Therefore I'd just like to say: 
"Thanks for taking the time to properly read through my profile!"
I see one of your profile pictures is you with no shirt on. If you had bothered reading further than the first sentence you'd notice that this is one of the main things I hate, and have asked that any guy doing this to refrain from contacting me.

Many thanks for making the decision to NEVER EVER DATE YOU a whole lot easier!

This Girl

*********************************************************************
UPDATE - Cornrows got in touch again a few days later

"i like your profile. Hence the message :)
Anyways let me cut to the chase. Am i your type?"

Well hello again!

How have you been? Did you have a good weekend? Oh sorry, I see your quest for love has left you no time for polite chit-chat, and apparently no time to capitalise the letter i when referring to yourself. So let's 'cut to the chase'...

Seeing as I (see, it's easy!) gave you a bit of flack for not reading my profile, I thought I'd take the time to go through yours more thoroughly. Looking past the topless photos, I see you've described your profession as 'Dancer/Accountant'... What does this mean? 
Do you like to number-crunch while you ab-crunch? Or do you think skipping over to the office photocopier counts as professional dance training? Either way, this is a combination that really shouldn't go together - choose a career path NOW.

I do like the confidence that you portray by opening with "Hey everyone" - addressing your adoring masses is very thoughtful of you, although possibly the tiniest bit presumptuous? Don't worry, as I carry on reading I see a veritable minefield of jargon that will filter this plethora of ladies down to a small, select group - especially at the end where you decide to quote 2 whole verses from John Lennon's Imagine...

In closing, from looking out of the window and then reading that your ideal first date is "in a park on a summer's day", I Imagine we won't be going out any time soon.

Please just Let It Be,

This Girl

RVP

"So I nailed my fantasy football today by making Suarez my Captain instead of RVP, because I knew Fergie would take RVP off early. . .thoughts?"

My thoughts: Why did you choose to open the conversation with a potential date with fantasy football talk? Especially when they've mentioned they like rugby and not football?

NEXT

Double

"Hey gorgeous just viewed ur pics u look amazing and would be nice to get to know u :)" - 6th March 2013 "Hey gorgeous just viewed ur pics u look amazing and would be nice to get to know u :)" - 19th March 2013 Well HELLO Man-on-Exercise-Machine! Thanks for making me feel so special...twice This Girl