Wasp

How's u hun? Just wondering if you'd be interested in some no stings fun? Do you live near west?

Dear Westerner,

This is probably one of the worst messages I've ever received. I'm assuming you've sent this to at least 100 other girls who came up as living in the London area? You could have at least spellchecked it first!

'No stings' isn't something one would usually need to specify when messaging someone for an intimate encounter... unless that person is used to dressing up as a bee or a scorpion in some crazy bedroom role-play? In which case, my answer is even more of a no than before!

However, I like that you've made this message applicable to women all over the world. Sure, you won't be getting many replies from women in Hong Kong or Thailand, but you've covered most of the globe with your only specification of living 'near west'.

BUZZ OFF!

This Girl

Topline

Hey This Girl, 


Firstly I can count to 5 in welsh. 

Secondly, you said that if you pick your laptop by the screen that's bad, what about an iPad? It's basically all screen! 

If you could have a super power what would it be? 
X

Hey Mr No-Nonsense,

Thanks for the memo-style message that makes me feel like I'm at work; having to give facts about myself for some lame team-building exercise.

Firstly, being able to count in a dying language is not a skill that I find in any way desirable. In fact, unless you need to write to a penpal in Patagonia (the only place where Welsh is spoken outside of Wales), it's completely useless. You will not be a good role model for our potential future children.

Secondly, I said I hate it when people pick up a laptop by the screen. What does that have to do with an iPad? Again, pedantry is not something I want to pass on to our offspring...

And finally, if I could have a super power it would undoubtedly be the ability to ignore men who send me ridiculous messages...

Looks like I'm off to join the X-Men then!

This Girl

Machine

Hey

how are you ? 
are u enjoyin a sunny days ? 
I came across your profile and would be interested in knowing more . 
Looking forward to hearing from u soon 
thnx 
best regards 
sent by phone

Hi Phone,

I was unaware that the machines had finally risen up and developed self-awareness and emotions. I'm glad you've decided to use them to find love, rather than look for revenge against your human masters.

Some tips for artificial intelligence trying to remain undetected in the human world:

1. Looking forward to hearing from you/Thnx/Best regards are substitutable endings to a message. Using them together makes it obvious that you're not one of us.
2. Saying you'd be interested in knowing more isn't specific enough, given that you've shown absolutely no understanding in the first place
3. Never use the phrase 'A sunny days'

Hopefully putting these in list format has been helpful for you, as I know line command is probably a language you're familiar with, but let me know if you'd like to receive this message in binary.

11001001110001,

This Girl