Oh dear.
I get the feeling that if I ever spent more than five minutes in your company, I would want to chew off my own arm. This kind of 'humour' is nauseating - as soon as I read this I actually cringed for you. I can't even begin to comprehend how embarrassing it must have been for you to write!
Hopefully this isn't the kind of thing a 22 year old man spends time thinking up by himself, so ai'm going to assume fort your sake that you heard it elsewhere? Well if it was on TV, demand your licence fee back; at some kind of live show, get a refund for your ticket; from a mate, declare the friendship over - this is some sick joke that's been played on you!
I'm nearly considering dating you out of pity... Nearly...
This Girl